Lourdes Gerrard in EVERY FOOTBALL KIT EVER
SORRY I have more to say about this. Put this in your mind grapes: Steven Gerrard, age 57 — looking, lbr, probably exactly the same — finally wins the World Cup trophy he could never get as a player: as COACH of the ENGLAND WOMEN’S TEAM, with Lourdes as the triumphant and well-coiffed Michael Bradley to his Bill (but both better at their jobs).
"COACH STEVIE G" USES HIS HIGH PROFILE AND THE RESPECT HE STILL COMMANDS IN THE GAME TO HELP CEMENT WOMEN’S FOOTBALL AS A HUGE THING, AT LEAST AS SUCCESSFUL AND LUCRATIVE AS THE DUDE VERSION. Burly men make up drinking songs* about their favorite lady players, paint their names on their chests, get into loud arguments at pubs about whether Alba Bale or lil Abby Wambach Jr. is the best player in the world. LOURDES, A FASHIONABLE WUNDERKIND QUEEN AND BELOVED CAPTAIN, GETS CRAZY BECKHAM MONEY TO BE IN STUPID COWBOY-THEMED ADS FOR LUCOZADE and possibly marries AN ALONSO CHILD. LOURDES PROUDLY HANDING THE WORLD CUP TO "COACH DAD" TO LIFT. STEVIE SHEDDING A SINGLE MANLY TEAR AS SHE KISSES HIM ON THE CHEEK, PICTURE ON THE FRONT PAGE OF EVERY NEWSPAPER IN THE WORLD. COACH STEVIE BEING TOSSED UP IN THE AIR BY A CHEERING MOB OF GURL ATHLETES. See you guys in the FUTURE, it’s gonna be AWESOME.
*the songs, just like those written for their dude counterparts, are occasionally sexual but always essentially respectful/affectionate.